I think I’m nicknaming this series the compassionate break-up. How to break up without breaking hearts. Paul first talked about communicating, then having patience, then setting appropriate boundaries.

This is the last installment about breaking up. Each time I talk to a former boyfriend he reminds me how I dumped him. Not once, but twice. I don’t think I do a very good job of it.

Here’s Paul’s take:

Decisiveness – The principle of decisiveness lies upon a very fine line, and is often a difficult concept to live. It’s not just being decisive in your decision to break off a relationship. It’s being decisive in allowing the other person find closure for themselves.

My friend Rachel is a great example of someone who has mastered the art of decisiveness.

She dated Jim for several years. When they finally decided to end the relationship it was quite difficult for both sides. Rachel felt strongly that even though she cared for Jim it wasn’t right. However, Jim didn’t feel the same way, he wanted very much to marry Rachel.

As they worked through their break up Rachel was very firm in her convictions, and would not budge on what she felt. Yet, Rachel told Jim that even though she wouldn’t call or email him that she wouldn’t put these same restrictions on him. If he felt he needed to talk to her she would listen.